we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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