Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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