We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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