You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
