I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
