he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have grass duct taped all over my body
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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