I'm so fucking centered right now
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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