I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
