True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
