Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize