someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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