hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize