I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
