I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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