i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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