its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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