did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
