So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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