Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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