Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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