i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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