She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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