Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
