thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
