Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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