So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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