I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
