At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You took a bar mat shot.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
