How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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