I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You pole danced in your parka.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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