My underwear smells like fireworks.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.