It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad