The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.