I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
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i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.