Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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