i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
