He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
