How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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