At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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