After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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