Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
