Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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