i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
