I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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