I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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