I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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