the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Shame - the story of my life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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