So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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