I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize