my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
