Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
