Even the bartender felt bad for me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
