We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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