I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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