Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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