so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
