at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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