I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
