worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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