So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize