There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
