Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
