Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize