a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
