i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
