he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
