Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
