but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
