I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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